the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
