We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
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