Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
