I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
worst night to have a conscience
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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