I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
