Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
