It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
