I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Boobs are out for the taking
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize