The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
