God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
