I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
