Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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