I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
