Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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