he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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