She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
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