he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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