I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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