Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
