I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
