I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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