In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize