dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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