All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
