he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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