The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
