Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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