i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
