how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
i think im in europe. pls send help
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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