1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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