dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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