Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
