The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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