dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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