"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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