Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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