Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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