i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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