Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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