bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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