Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
