FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
