I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
