Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
We're too hungover to prance.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
