You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I have aggressive nipples.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
