Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
