I wish I could punch you in the face.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
