im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
