I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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