I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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