why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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