That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
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