I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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