We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
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