She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Randomize
