dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
