Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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