You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
