i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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