On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
