He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
