my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
