hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
