im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
