I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
