I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
zippers are such a cool invention
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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