Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Randomize
