Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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